How to find your core values
the luxury of feeling good
The most two overused words in 2024? Alignment and authenticity. Everywhere I looked, it seemed like every brand was hawking these terms. What “lights you up”? What is your purpose? These overused branding terms sometimes take away from the simplicity of living my values. Ensuring my core values are exercised in my daily, normal rhythm of life is essential to my daily happiness.
But how do you find your core values? Just like the vague direction to find your purpose, finding your values isn’t as simple as picking from a list or taking an online quiz. Not to mention, it can be a struggle to sift through the things you really enjoy and value, and avoid the influence of society, family, social media, or anyone else.
In the fall of 2019 I was recovering from total life implosion and rebuilding. My emotional state during this time was mostly feeling scared, disconnected, fragile, and wounded. I decided to take a solo trip to a place I’ve always wanted to go: Toronto, in the beautiful country of Canada. I wanted to prove to myself that I can go after the things I want to do.
The apartment I booked looked like a fairy tale cottage, tucked right behind the bustling downtown and charming neighborhood of Queen Street West. The owner was an interior designer and the apartment had plush linens, pink walls, and boho velvet canapes: it was the perfect girly retreat after a day of exploration. I felt special and cozy. I walked for hours and hours every day; hopping on the trolley from time to time to discover different neighborhoods. I met up with friends of friends, went to speakeasies and then went dancing as the snow pelted down on the city. I had a quiet solo dinner in a beautiful Italian restaurant with giant red velvet curtains, sipped my red wine and watched as the flakes fell silently. I went to an art exhibit about Rubens and took notes on his impeccable business sense and how he was one of the few artists of his time to live well. There was something there, in this magical weekend, that made me feel alive and like MYSELF. What is it? How could I put that into words? I felt: Cared for, Light, Cozy, Connected, and Invigorated. At the time, these feelings were very foreign to me. I’d felt them before, but it had been a long time.
I wrote down these feelings in my journal. I started to notice whenever I felt them. I wanted to bring these emotions into my daily life; not just experience them on a trip or vacation. I went through a series of journaling exercises created by
to bring out these values and notice how they appeared in my life, like trendlines.One thing that kept coming up over and over again was a sense of adventure - a taste of another way of life or a different cultural experience. After going through this exercise I made two small changes in my life. I quit the “lunk alert” gym that I belonged to that did not make me feel cared for, light, cozy or connected. Instead, I took salsa classes. I needed to feel that excitement I felt when I was traveling, while hearing different languages, trying new foods, and assimilating into local culture. These two small changes were the start of catapulting myself into aligning my life towards what feels good to me.
It’s amazing to read my old journals and notes and think about where I started: taking salsa classes, joining a community garden, participating in outdoor yoga - all of these tiny baby steps led me to where I am now! I think it’s also proof that even when you don’t feel like yourself; the core, authentic parts of your soul will always be here. Even when you are deeply sad and suffering, your scrappiest self will remember what it is that makes you feel good.
If you would like to identify your own personal values, I have a three-step journaling process that I’d like to share here.
PART ONE - BRAINSTORMING
Set a timer for 20-30 minutes. Sit down with your journal and answer these questions without overthinking or dwelling on any particular question that doesn’t resonate with you.
BEST DAY
Think of your ideal day. What happens when you wake up in the morning? Who are you with? What are you doing? Who are you hanging out with? What are you wearing? Where are you in the world? What are you eating?
DREAMS
Think of three times you felt ridiculously happy. Why did you feel so happy? What inspired those feelings of happiness?
Write down 100 things you would like to do. Do this as a “stream of consciousness” activity, meaning don’t think too much about it. Just start writing.
ENVY / JEALOUSY
Think about 3 people you may be jealous of. Write down what specifically about them you are jealous of.
ADMIRATION
Name five people you admire and why.
CHILDHOOD
What activities did you love to do as a child?
What were your favorite toys, and why?
What were your favorite childhood books and movies?
SOCIAL MEDIA
What leads you down a social media rabbit hole? An hour goes by - what are you watching videos of?
DECISIONS
Think of three big decisions you made in your life. What propelled you to make these decisions?
STRENGTHS
What are some of the things you are most proud of yourself for, and why?
What would your colleagues say are some of your biggest strengths?
If your mom described you, what three words would she use?
PART TWO - FINDING THEMES
What themes do you notice in your answers? Try to focus on the feelings you had rather than any material acheivements. Did you feel calm, excited, happy, sad? Do you find yourself drawn to certain types of people? Do you find yourself happiest with certain people or in certain places? Try to identify your core values. If you get stuck, try using this list of words to inspire you.
PART THREE - DEFINING YOUR VALUES
Pick 3-5 words to act as your core values. It is important to define these values and think of some specific memories where you completely embodied these values. This is usually a feeling, or a moment, or a memory where you felt completely alive and happy. You thought to yourself: yes, this is it!
Below are two examples from my own list of values:
Value: Adventure
Definition: escaping the routine to explore new places, people, and ideas
Time in my life I embodied these values: putting all my belongings in the fiesta and driving across the country, renting a jeep and going to hawaii with haley, trying twerk dance class
Value: Creation
Definition: acting on my ideas to produce something into the world
Time in my life I embodied these values: starting my blog in France, starting a capella club in high school, starting my newsletter
You’ll want to do the same for yourself, and then write down your values in a place you see it often. Maybe on the lock screen of your phone, maybe above your computer when you log into work, maybe on your bathroom mirror. You now have the goal of incorporating these feelings and values into your daily life!