It's International Women's Day, which was created to recognize the achievements of women (never mind the fact it doesn't address that we can't achieve as much as men in the perpetual state of patriarchy).
The women in my life who have helped me achieve my goals are numerous: family, colleagues, mentors, and teachers. However, I don't think society does enough to recognize is the power of female friendships. We have all heard the saying, behind every successful woman is a tribe, but we don't value the beautiful tales of other women behind the scenes, soothing our sorrows, pushing us forward when we get stuck, and popping champagne with us when we are done. It's not as interesting to us as the heroine who does it all, or the romantic power couple, or even the mother-daughter relationship. In my own story, my own achievements in the past year have been almost entirely supported by my friends.
This time last year, I was in a very low place. I didn't know which way was up and which way was down. My self-worth was so low, I thought I could slip away without much notice. When I finally confided in my friends about what was going on, the response was unimaginable to me. There was a constant influx of texts and phone calls, asking me how I was doing and making sure I was ok. At times when I didn't respond because I wasn't able to gather the strength, that did not deter them. I couldn't believe that they saw me at my absolute worst, and that didn't stop them from continuously showing up. I didn't know how much I needed them until I look back on it now.
When my whole body shook because I couldn't trust my own decision making, my friends reminded me I am fearless in the pursuit of what I want. When I could barely eat or sleep, my friends made me dinner and reminded me that everything was going to be ok. When getting through my workday was unbearable, my friend sent me a text to remind myself of what I needed in the present moment. I started to feel cared for and safe.
Then there were moments that made me remember I'm alive again. There was a friend who invited me to a soirée with her family in from Cuba, interpreting their lively family stories from Spanish and feeding me homemade Cuban food until I was stuffed. There's my cousin who let me crash at her beach house, delivered bloody marys to me on the beach, and took me out dancing with my family. My DC friends who explored my new neighborhood with me, drunkenly flambée-ing carmelized bananas and mixing homemade guacamole until all hours of the night.
These actions all started to add up, from many different friends from many aspects of my life, and I suddenly started to remember who I was. I am a fun, bold, passionate, caring, and even when I mess up, I am worth another try.
The power of female friendships is real. The women who show up in your life, again and again, even when they have their own difficult lives or are in different life stages as you, is very special and should be nurtured and celebrated. We cannot survive, let alone thrive and succeed, without them. So go tell a friend you love them today.
MORE MEDIA
I recently read an amazing book about female friendship called The Giver of Stars by Jojo Moyes. I highly recommend it if you like historical fiction - it's about the Packhorse Librarian Project started by Eleanor Roosevelt in 1934.
This recent post from Cup of Jo explores what it's like to be friends with females in different stages of life than you. "In adulthood, I have come to regard friendships — whether the person is single, married, a parent or not — as oceanic in nature. There is a natural ebb and flow. Sometimes we are close, sometimes we are not-so-close, and sometimes we may be downright distant."
Two shows I love about female friendship: Pen15, a cringe-worthy show about friendship and middle school, is particularly entertaining to me as the time period line up perfectly with my own personal awkward stage. Also, Glow, which is about a determined group of female wrestlers in the 80s who band together to make big things happen. Hulu and Netflix, respectively.
In the meantime, tell your friends!