friendship chronicles

a friend of over thirty years

Today we have an interview with one of my closest friends, Paige! Paige and I have been friends (wait for it), for over thirty years. That means we literally don't even remember most of our initial interactions, but they've formed some of our core memories. Paige and I share a love of reading, babies, food, discussing modern partnerships, and being cozy in our homes (we are the epitome of a cancer + taurus best friendship).

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[BM] How did we meet?
We met as two year olds in preschool. We happened to live near each other and our moms became friends, too. I don't remember life without your friendship!

[BM] We have both been through a lot in life and stayed friends, some years closer than others, for over 30 years. Why do you think that is?
I think a lot of our friendship "success" is based on the fact that we have such a long history. We have grown and changed so much, but we have always been able to reconnect. I know we both prioritize friendship and have similar values as well. I often think, if we weren't already friends and we just met-I would want to be your friend!

[BM] Sometimes it's hard to stay friends with someone when you are in a different life stage as them. I was navigating divorce and singlehood as you were having your first baby, and that experience brought us a lot closer. You were really there for me at a time that I'm sure was a difficult transition for you too. How can you be a friend to someone who is in a different life stage than you are?
It seems like you would drift apart going through such drastic life changes, especially at the same time, but having someone who "needed" me as a friend was really important to me. I was consumed by motherhood and wanted to feel useful or helpful in a different capacity. I felt like we were able to vent and be vulnerable even though we were both struggling with different things.

[BM] There were times when you've effectively communicated that I've hurt your feelings. How did you learn to do that so well?
I think when you know your friendship is solid you can be honest when someone hurts your feelings. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
I know you would never hurt me on purpose, and instead of being annoyed or passive aggressive I considered what I would want you to do in the situation. I have learned so much from our friendship because we can tell each other when we mess up.

[BM] What would you say are characteristics of a good friend?
I think too many people expect friendships to be super consistent. In my favorite friendships it's more about trust and vulnerability. I don't need to talk or see my best friends every day, but I know how they feel about me. There are seasons where you get to see your friends a lot, and seasons where you may fall out of touch. When it matters, friends show up for you. Good friends bring out the best in you, and see the best in you.

[BM] What's your favorite way to connect with a friend?
I love chatting, but I don't love talking on the phone. It's much easier for me to connect in person, which is hard when your best friend lives on the other side of the country (and soon another continent!) Just a simple check in goes a long way.

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Thank you Paige, for your beautiful insights! I love when Paige talks about consistency in friendships. When you have supreme trust in the universe and in yourself, you know that friendships are flexible and that they ebb and flow in the waves of life. You don’t take things personally and you see the best in other people.