friendship chronicles pt 3
my former flatmate and "the unpredictability of the dinner table"
Today we have an interview with one of my closest friends Craig. We've been friends for over 10 years. He is a charming and witty intellectual who works in the medical field and enjoys reading, writing, cooking, and playing music. He lives in Brighton, England but is originally from Glasgow, Scotland.
One unique thing about my friendship with Craig is that it has been MOSTLY sustained through letter writing (physical, hand written letters in the mail). As you can tell by this interview, Craig is a witty and talented writer. I savor every drop of his news in perfectly written cursive, chuckling and smiling and as the pages turn over in my hands. Enjoy this rich interview with Craig.
_____
- How did we meet?
You and I first met in the high-ceilinged, creaky-floored apartment of an old Jesuit school in rural France back in 2010. I remember how shocked you were to be sharing with a boy! I think you were dreading it. However, we quickly bonded over food and the bevy of characters populating our small town. You introduced me to quinoa and taught me to appreciate the fleeting charm of a Beaujolais nouveau. But unlike that wine, our friendship has gotten better with age!
- How have we maintained our friendship over the years?
Over the years we've both been fortunate to spend time in North America and Europe and never miss an opportunity to go that little bit farther to meet up. Sharing a love of writing has also seen a rich trade of beautiful cards and letters cross the Atlantic. I've loved keeping up that correspondence and punctuating it with the very special occasions we get to clink glasses across a table.
- What would you say are characteristics of a good friend?
I think generosity of spirit is the current that carries everything else. The generosity of time made available for someone else; the generosity of your friend making weird jokes to crack you up rather than the glory of appearing witty; the generosity to forgive; the generosity to be patient and sympathetic when you don't even really understand what's upsetting them; the generosity of happily serving your friend the larger slice; the generosity to reach across the void and be the first to say 'hi'. All of this happens when two people squish down their egos and make room for one another. It makes you a little vulnerable, but that accumulation of generous moments leaves you with the abundance of a great friendship in return.
- How have friendships changed for you over the years, in general?
I've thought quite a bit about the experience of going through school and university and then into the world of work. I wonder these days whether it's possible to make a new best friend in adult life, where there are fewer situations remotely comparable to the intensity of spending hours and hours of every day in a shared endeavour with others, who are naturally also your neighbours and dorm mates. It makes me cherish the best friendships I made in early adulthood all the more. Now, though, I think I look out for people with a similar attitude about life, rather than specific shared interests, which means you can make friends in unexpected places. For me it's more 'like-humoured' than 'like-minded', if that makes any sense.
- What's your favorite way to connect with a friend?
My favourite thing for sure is sharing a home-cooked meal with one or more friends. I love that the menu is the only thing you can plan and have no idea how the night will roll out. You can be up till 2am with numb backsides around a bottle-strewn table if the conversation keeps flowing. You might end up going out spontaneously. You might end up dredging up and sharing videos you found funny. You might all be drinking herbal tea on the sofa by 9pm if you're all knackered. I love the unpredictability of the dinner table and the chemistry that occurs on it and around it. And I've certainly never found anybody more endearing when hungry compared to when they've been warmed up and well-fed.
_____
Isn’t Craig a dream? I had totally forgotten how prude I was when we first met years ago - afraid of boys and obsessed with quinoa and kale. What a wonderful happenstance that the world brought us together. I love what he writes about seeking out people who are “like-humoured”; I relate to this so deeply. How is it that Craig and I can talk about everything under the sun so effortlessly? When you find people who share similar values as you all of your differences start to fall away.