little green monsters
taking a closer look at envy
Earlier this summer, I was on my lunch break, taking a pause, doing my journaling, keeping my gratitude list, and minding my own business. I received an email that made me very annoyed and moody. This was the image I received, from an automated marketing email, that practically made me throw my phone across the room.
These feelings of discomfort started in my chest, and then rose upwards. I was feeling anger. Here I am, #healing and doing my best, not comparing myself to others, and this chick rolls in and reminds me that she is “off the grid” for the summer.
Isn’t that nice? Off the grid with your baby, van, and cute bearded husband! Playfully driving back and forth from your multi-million dollar properties? Showering in your outdoor shower? Wearing luxurious linen dresses and natural fiber hats? Not working at all? Cool cool cool, I’ll be here, typing away at my computer until the clock strikes 6 and I can back away from the internet until 8 am the next morning. GAHHHHHH.
Jealousy has a very bad rap. It is one of the seven deadly sins (envy), not to mention part of the Ten Commandments (thou shall not covet they neighbor’s goods), and is generally seen as immoral. Should I be ashamed or embarrassed of my jealousy? A few years ago I took a class on living purposefully and finding your ikigai with Meghan Hellerer. This was the first time I had heard of using jealousy as a tool to look inwards instead of as a weapon to induce self-harm.
With distance, I can see that my reaction to this email was exaggerated. It would be easy for me to say, “some people have it made” or “that will never be me” and send this email straight to the trash. Stuffing my jealousy away is faster than wondering - what does Lacy Phillips have that I don’t have right now? How is this a reflection of my own desires and how can I identify what it is I want in life? Instead of “overcoming” jealousy, I’m trying to give into it. What do I really want? How can I affirm myself by believing I’m allowed to have it? I am allowed to want to live off grid in my van. I am allowed to want an outdoor shower. I am allowed to want a fancy forest retreat house with amethysts in the darn walls! Simply saying it out loud or writing it out is a healthy way to affirm yourself.
After identifying what it is I want and believing I can get it, I can tap into the reasons why I want what I do and give that to myself in whatever way possible. For example, I want an outdoor shower because I like feeling the sun on my skin and the cool breeze in my hair. I feel free spirited. How can I give myself the gift of feeling free spirited, right now? Can I take an ocean dip and sun bathe afterwards? Can I take little van trips more often?
I have tried to give myself that feeling while also taking tiny steps closer towards what I want. The funny thing about being jealous of Lacy Phillips’ is that her entire net worth is based on the concept of jealousy and “shadow work”. In her teachings, she asks you to identify people you are jealous of and turn them into “expanders”. Expanders are people who have gone first down a path. If you engage with them, follow what they are doing, you can “follow their script”. For example, how was Lacy able to take the summer off? How did she accomplish this and how might I be able to work towards the same thing?
When I have re-framed jealousy I have been able to appreciate what I have right now more deeply. The path to getting what you want isn’t going to be easy but it’s going to be fun and exciting. Don’t quiet the little voice inside you that is telling you what you really want. Let your internal compass guide the way. Here are some affirmations that help me when I am stuck:
I begin this day with a sense of what is possible, what’s good, and what’s right in my life.
Whatever I give my attention to will flourish.
I don't live in the darkness of my doubts, but in the light of possibility.
It’s fun to follow my curiosity and figure out one small step at a time.
I am committed to making my dreams happen.
Who or what are you jealous of?