Have you ever gone back to a place and felt something ignite inside of you? Recently I went to London for work, and as soon as I stepped off the plane I had the sensation of “coming home” to a city that I had not been to in thirteen years. In 2009, I was twenty-one years old and sleeping on my friend’s dorm room floor at the London School of Economics. I was so naive I brought my moderate, straight, male friend to see broadway show about sexual awakening (cringe). I got friends from undergrad to give me a pub tour of London parliament, I met up with another group of friends and met Jack Black in Oxford! During that time in my life I attended fancy parties on canals in Amsterdam, drank spritz’s in the piazza with our hostel owner who taught me how to make pizza the Venetian way, and bummed around in historic mansions with yacht workers on the Riviera. The feeling of nostalgia crept through my bones as I got off the plane in Heathrow and took the train downtown (this time splurging on the express train instead of the local bus). I felt the youthful energy of not having any responsibilities, or money, or ties, and being spiritually open to whoever and whatever comes across your path.
How many lives have I lived since then? How many paths might I have gone down, only to land in an office right next to the London School of Economics, thirteen years later?
I have walked down the halls of my sacred spaces. I’ve been to Sea Isle City, New Jersey. It’s where my parents met and got married, where I spent every single summer of childhood, delighting in our annual trips to Funland or hopping on the trolley that passed by our house. It’s where I brought my first ever boyfriend and we grilled tuna on the deck and pretended we had a cooking show. It’s where my grandfather made me my first martini and taught me how to bring in the American flag at sunset every night. It’s where I did beach yoga with Teri who gave me shells with inspirational messages on them or where I danced with my best friends to cover bands with emotionally stunted “hot” guys singing their heart out. It’s where I escaped my house during my divorce and memorized poetry on my daily beach walks to keep going.
I’ve felt transformed in Joshua Tree, California. The desert healing me after loss, sucking the pain right out of my skin as the sun bore down on me. It’s where I first felt the call to California, spending a fall evening camping among the stars and hearing the sounds of coyotes as I slept. It’s where I reclaimed my single hood with my girlfriends during our galentine’s weekend, hiking and letting the buzzing thoughts in our brains bounce off each other’s ears.
I’ve felt relaxed and blissful living the slow pace of island life in downeast Maine. A sunset dip in the swimming pond, a book read leisurely by the sea, a green juice offered to me in the garden, a lovesick bike ride at sunrise, a sunset dip in the pond, a kiss in the quarry, a park ranger defending holy solitude, a farewell gift.
I’ve landed on the beach at Santa Cruz avenue in Ocean Beach, San Diego. I felt something deep in my bones, as soon as I saw that cove, that I was in the right spot. It’s where I would take my landlord’s dog on our daily walks, where my sister stepped after driving with my across the country with all of my possessions in a 2011 hatchback, where my new friends would text me about sunset alerts, where I would meet my partner a few blocks away, where I would start the cold swim club I love so much. It’s where I dreamed up the biggest possible life I could have for myself and then made it happen.
There is a pace, a rhythm, a spiritual connection your body can feel in certain places in the world that stick with you forever. Physical places can evoke emotions in you that ground us and remind us of all the good we have come from, like in Sea Isle City. They can remind us to connect with our youthfulness and sense of adventure, like London. Or they can expand us and help us get where we are going, like in California or Maine. Where are your sacred spaces?
I love the pictures Brenna.
& the pictures you paint with your words.
I have just arrived at one of my sacred spaces,
Sitting on the deck while Julian naps and I can see the ocean. I was hit with that nostalgia wave today when we got here. Thanks for sharing this with us ❤️
I enjoyed reading this and your previous piece. You mention your time in London, Did you not experience the wonders of the North country. You missed a treat lass. If you are ever in the UK again then look me up and I can take you and your partner to see the wonders of the old country, not as vast as your homeland but a microcosm of wonder. And I'll take you to lunch at a Country house then they say us Yorkshire folks are mean.