the call to adventure

what it took for me to wake up

I used to live my life in fear. Fear of doing the wrong thing, fear of making the wrong choice, fear of not being good enough. I charted out my life’s course like I was CEO of a start-up. I created spreadsheets for financial goals, designed projections on the career paths I might take, and tried to control as much as I could. I was a junkie and my drug of choice was achievement : my income, title, weight, and marital status were holding up my identity like a tack on a cork board. The determined and ambitious person I am exercised rigidity and control to make myself feel safe. Once the pressure to fix everyone and everything reached a tipping point - a seemingly normal conversation turned a lightbulb off in my head. Suddenly, I couldn’t un-see it: everything I knew was a lie.