what have I learned in 6 months without alcohol? I am a bad ass with a heavenly sleep routine
2024 was my year to quit things
It’s been six months since I stopped drinking. I never felt addicted to alcohol. I drank because I thought it was normal. About ten years ago, when I first heard of “Sober January” I didn’t think I could ever do it. Give me a dry prosecco or a funky red gamay and I’m there. I enjoyed having a glass of wine or beer with food. I was interested in natural wine and I always knew the hippest spots to try new drinks. I never had an issue with over-drinking, I just thought I was a “normal” social drinker.
Later, perhaps about five years ago, I began feeling like my relationship with alcohol was a bit annoying. I noticed that drinking more than 1-2 drinks would make me feel hungover the next day, and I hated that feeling. I also felt depressed and tired the day after drinking. Sure, there were times when I would have a drink at happy hour and feel buzzed and relaxed, giggly and chatty, and that made me feel good. Yet, I started questioning myself: why would it be so hard for me to do sober January?
In 2022 I did my first sober month using the workbook “The Sober Curious Reset” by Ruby Warrington. This book opened my eyes to all of the ways I used alcohol as a crutch. It also introduced me to the distorted view society has of drinking culture. During this period my main goal was to reduce my alcohol intake, and I did this very successfully. I continued to do sober challenges on and off for a few years but could never fully commit. I often wondered if I would ever have the “cool girl energy” of someone like Melanie Masarin, the founder of the non-alcoholic drink brand Ghia. Always clad in expensive clothing, she was so confident in her sobriety she built a whole brand off of it, their posh tagline being “over the influence”.
Without the conviction of “cool girls” like Melanie, I found another hurdle: moderating. After I had my allotted 1-2 drinks, my brain would crave more (which is a normal physiological reaction to drinking). I was wasting precious mental energy battling myself, when I could be using that time and space to feed my creativity, for example. It seemed like alcohol didn’t serve me anymore.
I wish I could say this realization made me stop altogether. However, it took some pretty serious health issues for me to quit. I started seeing naturopaths both in the US and in Italy, and both told me to stop drinking alcohol. This prescription was my permission slip to stop. It also served as my original excuse when people asked me why I wasn’t drinking. It was so convenient when people threw mean-hitting comments my way. It couldn’t be a criticism of me if it was doctor-ordered!
Yet, six months later, I am glad I reached the point of “confident non-drinker” - even though I didn’t start out that way. I am glad I decided to finally make this commitment, even though quitting booze has not transformed my life in the ways it generally advertises will happen: it has not solved all my health issues, made me an enlightened being, helped me lose weight, or rejuvenated my skin (although my sleep is immaculate).
The Benefits and Challenges of Living Alcohol-Free
One hurdle I had to overcome was my relationship with deprivation. I have been working so hard these past few years to add pleasure to my life and not feel guilty for it. The fetishization of well-being, born from American culture (I’m talking white ladies in leggings), is something I’ve been able to distance myself from while living in Italy and I didn’t want to “deprive myself” of fun.
Once I quit, I realized that it was never the alcohol that brought me pleasure. Alcohol made me hungover, tired, and anxious. It was the moment - getting dressed up and having a fancy drink with my husband or sharing the table with friends and having a good belly laugh brought my pleasure. I could still do all of these things with a non-alcoholic drink.
The most challenging part of being alcohol-free is not having any social lubricant - ever! So that means I’ve sat at some awkward dinner tables and wished a beer would calm my nerves. It also means that when I’m really, sad, I can only reach for my emotional chocolate bar to soothe me. There is no blunting sadness, frustration, or disappointment, just raw and hard-hitting emotions straight to the face.
On the other side, quitting booze has helped me see more tenderness in the world. It has deepened my loving relationships with people who support me.
I can do hard things
As I celebrate six months without alcohol, the primary feeling I have is that of relief. I am so glad I don’t drink anymore. Being booze-free has brought me more confidence in myself. If there’s something I want to do, I can do it. What I thought would be so daunting has proven simpler than I thought. I sleep better, I still have fun, go to parties, concerts, weddings, and all the things I used to do, but without the buzz or hangover. I have a stash of non-alcoholic drinks in my friend’s fridges and they don’t treat me any differently simply because I don’t drink. For now, I do not want to go back to drinking alcohol. After seventeen years of regular wine tasting and limoncello digestifs, it’s time to experiment with life without it.
What about you? Have you ever had a hard time quitting something?
One of my most useful life theories is that you can do anything, as long as you have a friend who has done it. This has been true for two big things I wanted to do this year: quitting my job and quitting alcohol. I followed the footsteps of two good friends and they helped me get there simply by exposing me to their lifestyles. Further reading & listening from some of the women who’ve inspired me over the years:
This podcast from Dr. Aviva Romm and Liz Moody opened my eyes to the damage of alcohol. One fact I learned: “light drinking” is defined as 1-2 drinks per week.
has made not drinking so COOL. She has a really popular Instagram account where she makes fancy and beautiful mocktails. I love how she writes about her decision not to drink: “It's funny how people perceive my decision to stop drinking as chapter 1 of my self-help novel in the making. let's be clear—i'm not a recovering addict. i'm just someone who decided that alcohol wasn't doing me any favors. call it whatever you want—‘sober curiosity’, ‘alcohol free lifestyle’—it wasn't an epiphany; it was a gradual realization that alcohol simply didn't align with who i wanted to be or how i wanted to live. beyond that, i don’t like the way it makes me feel.”
I love this essay by
: “The plan was to go swingdancing after a quick galvanizing drink, but Carly wasn’t drinking. I asked why. She shrugged, sipping her sparkling water. Bubbles surrounded her like a heavenly mist. ‘I was just tired of trying to deaden my inner knowing,’ she said.”
I found this essay to be very good, but I only wish I held as much conviction as
at the onset. Maybe someday I’ll get there, but I do like the taste of alcohol and found quitting to be difficult.
From
at Platonic Love.
Like
, I didn’t do this cold turkey. I did multiple one-month stints, and years reducing overall intake. I appreciate how Catherine shares the difficult parts too, even from someone who didn’t have an “issue” with alcohol. is who introduced me to Ruby Warrington’s book! She is a badass!
Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 - I quit alcohol right BEFORE the Octoberfest. Recent studies about the negative effects of even small amounts and my ongoing training finally made me switch. I am not missing anything. Sleep has also greatly improved, getting Garmin sleep badges one after the other :-). When it comes to social meetups I wish I had alcohol to calm me down or make feel to fit in... I just don't go or go early. I've become more authentic and listen more to what I need.
Congrats! It feels so liberating to be comfortable with your sobriety. For the last few years I have completely changed my relationship with alcohol. It’s made me realise what I really enjoy doing and what I thought I enjoyed doing cause I was drunk. That was one of the biggest things for me. I’m quite happy to politely decline these days!!