What have I learned in six months without a job? Almost nothing.

Hundreds of books read, podcasts listened to, and zero life hacks found

This month completes six months of my career break. I didn’t lose ten pounds of stress weight, finish the great American novel, or become native-level fluent in Italian. But I’ve learned just how little I can do. In fact, I didn’t know it was possible to do so little in a day! How did I go from being a start-up workaholic to a lazy career breaker?

Photo by Kaylah Matthews on Unsplash

My Journey to Exploring a Life Decentered from Work

Growing up on the East Coast, I always felt a pressure to be traditionally successful, and the social circles I involved myself in confirmed work as the center of the stratosphere. During the pandemic, I started taking classes on social impact entrepreneurship and getting involved in my community’s local small businesses, feeling like there was more to my life than just work. When I moved to San Diego, a very high-cost-of-living area, I had a traditionally cool tech job. However, socially, I learned how uncool it is to talk about work. In fact, the coolest people in San Diego are those who appear to never be working. I would see my friend Joe walking his dog barefoot down the road, or riding his e-bike to go surfing in the morning and wondered whether he was independently wealthy. Later, I learned that no, Joe is an electrical engineering manager at a major defense firm with a big security clearance. Becoming friends with people who lived very full lives and made time for their passions helped me to see that you can have a serious job but not be so serious about work.

After a few years at the tech job, I was burned out and decided to leave management and become an individual contributor. My ego took a major hit, but this significantly lessened my load and I was able to have more flexibility. This flexibility allowed me to focus more on my hobbies like writing and traveling. I did miss coaching and mentoring people, but I started offering coaching as a side hustle, and I was able to fill this hole a bit. Finally, my career break came as a piece de resistance. I have been dreaming of taking a career break since I started working, and the circumstances were right for me to quit my job.

I’ve Learned Just How Little I Can Do

I remember when I worked full-time, I thought to myself: I wish I had more time to prioritize the things I want to do. Meanwhile, I was crushing it. I went to the gym, cooked dinner, worked from 8-6, made time for friends, and prioritized passion projects on the evenings and weekends. In Oliver Burkeman’s “Four Thousand Weeks” I learned just why that is. When you are efficient in everything you do in life, you get into a hamster wheel of efficiency. You’re doing more because every task that comes onto your plate gets tackled, and you have more time to take on more things.

Now that I’m off the hamster wheel, it seems life moves in slow motion. All of my normal routines have doubled in the time it takes to get done. For example, when I used to take fifteen minutes to savor my coffee and write in my journal, I’m now spending hours looking out my window, waiting for my Moka to heat up, taking my supplements, and doing some morning stretches. I’m only able to accomplish about one or two tasks or activities per day outside of my normal exercise, cooking, and family time routine. The first few months, this realization distressed me. I felt physically uncomfortable because I wasn’t being productive, and I had to work hard to sit with that discomfort.

I’ve Changed My Definition of Ambition

I have always been very ambitious in my professional life. I’ve asked for more responsibilities, taken on difficult projects, and offered to relocate just to get a leg up on the ladder. Before I left my job, I had a little affirmation I told myself. I wrote, “Ambition has had 15 years on the center stage; it’s time to explore the other parts of myself”. What I didn’t know then was that I didn’t have to give up that part of myself. In fact, I can use my ambition for all of the other parts of myself that I love. I am ambitious about learning Italian and traveling. I am ambitious about writing and journaling. I am ambitious about my health and the wellness of my family. There are many things I’ve been able to explore and gain an appreciation for myself.

I’ve Redefined Success and Refocused on Enjoying the Effort

I’ve also changed the definition of what success means to me. I thought that when I started a writing critique group, started working on my book, and wrote freelance articles, I would be successful just like everything else I’ve put effort towards in life. But I haven’t been traditionally successful at anything - I don’t have any book deal,s and I haven’t sold more than a few freelance articles. I have started defining what success means to me. Success means publishing on Substack weekly, hosting my writing groups with joy, taking a walk after dinner with my husband, being understood in Italian by my friends, and doing things I am scared to do, like adult study abroad.

It also means enjoying the process of exerting effort. After I finished the last article I wrote, I thought, “hey, that was fun”. I had a smile on my face when I submitted it. The experience of working hard on something, just for the joy of exerting effort, is not something I have experienced much in adulthood.

My World Has Become More Simple

What I didn’t expect from this career break is that I would essentially do way less than I could have ever imagined. I thought I would start a new and inspiring side hustle, or write an inspirational self-help book that would change the world, or become a world-renowned copywriter. None of that has transpired, and I don’t care. I haven’t even learned what I want from my next job or how I will move forward once my sabbatical is over.

I’ve discovered that greatness can be much smaller. My writing can change the world for one person. My side hustles don’t need to be lucrative to be fulfilling. I am learning to be content with much less. Less money, less purchasing, less fancy trips, less working, and fewer expectations of myself.

What about you? What is your relationship to work? How do you define your relationship to ambition and productivity? Below are some resources that have helped me on my career break: