a gift, a shift

treating myself in Helsinki

During my first full week of sabbatical I was lucky enough to spend it doing what I love most: exploring a new city completely on my own. Helsinki was singing to me. With freedom at my back, I had all day and night to explore, pop into bookshops, visit museums, and take leisurely walks.

One day, I took myself to a sauna by myself and treated myself to a lovely hydrating mocktail by the sea. Afterward, I was slowly walking down the street and came across a shop window that caught my eye. Delicate sea shells held tiny strings of pearls, charms, and amulets lay on top of vintage knick-knacks. When I popped in for a peek, the design of the small shop impressed me. A layering of vintage rugs covered the white-washed floors and the vintage furniture brought such a cozy vibe. I fell in love with all of the beautiful, dainty, jewelry, but had my eyes on a vintage pearl necklace.

I decided that it wouldn’t be wise for a newly unemployed woman to buy herself jewelry, and I walked out of the shop empty-handed. I even told the shopkeeper that I couldn’t buy anything without asking my husband first! My cheeks flushed as I said this because I was straight-up lying. My husband has never questioned, let alone approved, my expenses. What a lame excuse for passing up something that I really wanted. My shoulders dropped as I slunk out of the store in shame.

Before I came to Italy, I envisioned my life here as more free-spirited. I have always been very hard on myself, especially about my career, and I wanted this chapter of my life to represent a shift in attitude. I wanted to enjoy a break and re-evaluate what was important to me. I saw visions of myself wearing a pearl necklace and free-flowing linen dress, walking around the cobblestone streets of Italy in sandals. I had a vision of what I wanted my life to be like but I didn’t dare to believe I deserved it.

When I got home, still mad at myself, I checked out the company online. I was surprised to see that this shop was a social impact business. The founder, Elina Siira, was so inspired by her own maternity leave in Finland and the discouraging modern discourse around immigration that she created Aida to offer employment to immigrant and refugee women in Finland. All in all, she wanted to offer immigrant women the safety she felt when taking her maternity leave.

Not having a job does not feel safe. At certain moments, it feels like when you know you’re going to throw up: a clawing discomfort climbing up your stomach and sweat starting to bead on your back and temples. It’s not easy to change your chemistry from “achievement makes me feel safe” to “I am safe to deeply rest” and it won’t happen overnight. But I’ve taken the first steps, and for that, I deserve recognition.

After reading Elina’s story, I knew I had to go back and buy myself that necklace.

My new necklace.

I walked in the next day, confident in my decision, as the shopkeeper packaged my necklace into a beautiful box. I later read that pearls are a symbol of beauty and feminine energy - the perfect representation of my next chapter.

Have you ever taken a moment to recognize an achievement for yourself? How do you prefer to receive love?

• Have you ever taken the 5 Love Languages quiz? I did, and can you guess what I got? I love receiving gifts. While I was initially embarrassed about my results, over time I’ve realized that I value the thought and effort that’s put into a gift. Knowing how you like to receive love (and give it, which are two separate things) is important for your relationship with yourself, your friends and family, and any romantic partner.

• Check out Aida Impact, the beautiful shop where I bought my necklace (which is still on sale). They ship internationally!