My husband of 37 years died when I was 62. A few months later, my most important client--the director of a nonprofit agency in Vienna, Austria, asked if I would move to Vienna and work for them fulltime--and I said yes! So at the age of 63, I put my belongings in storage, said goodbye to my family, and climbed on the plane.
The first few weeks of getting settled were really challenging (and a bit hilarious when viewed from hindsight--I will have to write about this sometime), but I made it through and then things got easier. I found Meetups with other international residents absolutely invaluable because it can be difficult to make friends with the locals, who have their own lives and circle of friends.
But the five years I lived in Vienna were the best years of my life, and I wouldn't trade my experiences there for anything. I eventually did meet an Austrian, fell in love, got married, and retired with him to one of the most beautiful places on earth--the west coast of Ireland.
There are some cultural challenges even here, though. Luckily I have my husband to share everything with--and none of the challenges compare to the benefits!
On the other hand, I would find living in southern Italy a bit daunting. (Austria has lots of bureaucracy, but it is extremely clean, the trains all run on time, health care is fabulous, and traffic moves calmly and smoothly.) From what I've read about your journey so far, Brenna, I think you are doing really well in the face of southern Italian challenges--and whatever happens you are amassing some wonderful stories!
Thanks Clarice! I have loved reading your story and I’m so impressed that you have taken so many wonderful chances. It’s amazing. I feel like my “Austria” was California. I loved it there and it’s where I met my husband. I put myself out there and tried new things. In Italy I’m not having an easy assimilation but I guess it’s never easy to move to a new country. I have book marked lots of the meetup groups you recommended in Austria and Ireland and can’t wait to try them! Thanks for reading, commenting, and empathizing ❤️
Wow amazing Jodi. All I've heard about Costa Rican culture is "Pura Vida" which sounds lovely and appealing, similar to how "la dolce vita" sound so appealing. Never feeling "home" is tough no matter how appealing your new culture is! That's what I'm learning.
Yes, when I lived in Taiwan it was really hard. So isolating not being able to speak the language. Language is where we connect. Words :) When I am not able to express myself fully through language and understand the response as well as the nuances within that, it is tough!
"You would have to be a bit deranged to take on the navigation of moving abroad." THIS. I had a relatively smaller yet big move over eight years ago from California to New York as a 23-year-old. It was maddeningly and ever-so-terrifying to leave my family, my partner at the time, and my entire identity to pursue a personal goal to explore New York as an adult. I do believe those ups and downs both hardened and softened my soul simultaneously to allow me to be more of who I've always been. For the past year, I've been feeling the deranged itch to want to explore leave the country and living abroad and experience what isn't an extended vacation but immersion in both the wonder and maddening.
Thank you for this piece. It comes at a time that reaffirms my deranged thoughts about exploring more chapters of my life.
Hi Leslie, thanks for sharing. The east coast to west coast move is NO JOKE! It's culturally so different and crazy to do it alone at such a young age.
Welcome to the club of deranged, maddening, expats :)
My husband and I moved to rural Vermont during the pandemic. I was not prepared for how rural VT was. We'd vacationed here, he has family here, and my daughter went to college here. It is not the same as living 2 miles down a dirt road when you lose power and you lose everything - water, phones, internet, heat, etc. There is no fast food around. Everything is a drive away. But it's incredibly beautiful. And I learned to cook on the wood stove, among other new accomplishments. It's not the same as moving to another country, but it was eye-opening.
Hi Susan! Once you commit and make the move, it’s hard! Like you said - it’s not vacation. There’s no one to help you when a giant sinkhole erupts in the ground, you lose water, and you are opening dictionaries to translate the city’s public notices 😂 (my case) or you lose power (your case). It’s maddening and you simply crave comfort.
Thanks for sharing Susan. ❤️ I took a bike ride in Vermont during the pandemic that I’ll remember forever! It was so beautiful. 🌲
Right in the thick of something, it can be hard to see how you’re changing or what you will ultimately learn. But if you’re uncomfortable (in anything in life), I think growth is inevitably happening. Which is great. You’re right there. :)
A decade ago now, I booked a one-way ticket to Dublin, open minded to living anywhere that felt right. After a year of traveling, I settled in Australia. In some ways, I put in more effort attempting to make that home than I did when I ultimately moved back to the states in Seattle.
I just started following your story so maybe you’re already doing these things! But what helped me in Australia was meetups, where I met other “expats” and then networking where I made a handful of native Australian friends. They were key to inviting me into their social circles. The combination of both made me feel not alone.
There is no other choice to evolve but I don’t want to! HA! Yes I have been joining some FB and Meetup groups. It’s all just harder than I thought it would be!
Digital nomad here... I left the states on a 1 way ticket and have roamed through 16 (?) countries since then. There is no destination... nor is there "the other side." Just right here, right now. I'm following my abundant curiosity... :) (and currently in Palermo, Sicily!)
Hey thanks for sharing. I thought you did a great job conveying the scariness of transplanting yourself to entirely new place and starting from the ground up. Definitely resonates
When I left the US on January 3rd, 2023 after having shed all my belongings but a backpack with enough changes of clothes to last between washings, and a laptop, iPad, and phone, I had a one way ticket to Montenegro. My move is different from yours in that it is not permanent. I go back to the US twice a year to visit. I love to be with my family, but it is not home. Much of the time I don't know where I am going next. I have to negotiate the 90 visitor visa business. It helps me to read about how it feels after the newness wears off, and living with the unknown becomes the way of life. It is not easy, but I am not ready to stop yet. It is so helpful to engage with you and others who have stepped into the unknown. Thank you.
Wow. 😮 what an inspiration Peter! For me having a supportive community is so important. I just went back to the US to visit and it was so helpful to just jump right back in to my support system. How have you found it to make a community in Montenegro?
I knew no one nor did I know anything about Montenegro, even where it was located before I traveled there. I visited a couple of people I met on the Camino each year between 2013 and Covid. Dragan's wife, Slavica comes from Montenegro. When I decided to leave the US to travel full time, I wanted to start in a non-Schengen country that was would not be frigid in Jan/Feb. Slavica recommended Tivat. She sent me info on Airbnb's, I picked one, and booked it for January and February of 2023. My Airbnb host, Marko, is a young entrepreneurial sort, who was very attentive. (I think since I was writing a book, he thought I must be important.) Then as I was walking along near my place, a young woman (Gabby) was walking the same direction and said in English "Hello." We talked a bit and she invited me to stop back by for coffee on my way back. She had spent time in South Carolina. In that visit I met her sister, brother and Nana (Grandma). We talked for a couple of hours after that. I visited again a couple of times, once for dinner. When I returned later that year (early November) their parents wanted to meet me. I spent a long evening with the whole family. We really hit it off. Tragically, Gabby called me a month ago to tell me that their Dad died on the Container ship he was working on. He spent months at a time on the ships. We have interacted since and hope at least to have a video call sometime to talk about what happened. I did not develop community with others there (except for Marko's parents and a few friends at a barbecue in the back yard). The language is a barrier since not so many folks there speak English. Sorry for the length of my response, but it is an important story for me to tell.
I have had a reverse experience. I had been a Russian expat in America since my early twenties. I had to go back to Moscow for 3 months in 2009, after I had lived in the US for 8 years. I felt shockingly out of place, as so much had changed in those 8 years that I had been gone.
Being able to speak the language was my only advantage. I did not know what to do to get a cab, how to find a notary to certify a document, what the new etiquette of paying for groceries was. I made so many social missteps and blunders in the first few weeks and was judged quickly. Locals did not realize I was practically a foreigner!
New subscriber here!! The article you quoted "someone who struggled to make a phone call, or make the petrol pump work..." resonated so much. I moved to Canada (a place I had never visited) 10 years ago from Australia and I wasn't prepared for all the tiny, little differences of day to day life. I figured since the language was the same, everything would be similar. Wrong! They manage prescriptions repeats totally different I ended up accidentally making my doctor think I was doing something dodgy with my medication because I thought he wasn't giving me repeats, so I kept going back for more when I needed it... so many small things to re-learn. Thanks for your post, it really hit home.
Welcome Stefanie! Thanks for being here 🙏🏻 yes I was afraid to call for internet bills, doctors appointments, etc. I hate not being able to speak Italian as good as I would like to.
What do you see as the major cultural values in Canada? I have always admired Canada as a neighbor and frequent visitor 😊
Honestly, workplace culture seems to be the biggest difference. We Aussies can be a little, uh... blunt lol. We're more direct and speak a bit more passionately and from the heart, but that isn't always viewed as a positive thing here. It's a bit more "go along to get along" and being direct can sometimes be seen as rude or combative. But we love Canada and the people we've become friends with here. It's a wonderful country :)
I am Neapolitan, left home at 18 to move to Scotland and then decided to uproot everything after 7 years there and move back to Italy. Unfortunately, as for many of my peers back home, jobs were simply not available in Naples, so I booked a one way ticket from Edinburgh to Verona, where I am now, just to be back. I am slowly learning to be Italian again, and even then I’ll never be Northen Italian, so some things will always be unfamiliar to me. In the past 9 months, I have often thought that maybe I should have stayed in Scotland, where at least I had a community, but then again I’m happy to be the kind of person that does this sort of things, even if they are very very hard. My favourite quote, that comes from a silly meme but that I just keep returning to in these times of change is this: “I’m multiplied by 1. I’m still the same but a process has occurred”.
Ps. Naples is a beautiful yet very complex city, once you’re “IN” it’s amazing, but when you don’t live it day by day it can sort of reject you… I know because I feel a half-way neapolitan every time I go back. My boyfriend does not want to go back because he feels like an outsider all the time. I hope you get to be “in” soon enough !!
Vittoria! I'd love to connect with you. I love when you say, "I'm happy to be the kind of person who does these things, even if they're hard". I think starting over is one of the bravest things a person can do! Thanks for sharing that quote too!
Also so interesting to hear that you feel half Neapolitan when you go back. Is your boyfriend Neapolitan too? So happy to meet a Neapolitan on Substack!!!
Hi Brenna! Would be super to connect :) Yes my boyfriend was born and raised in Naples, but his family is German (his mom still lives there, near Chiaia!) so he doesn’t have a lot of the Neapolitan cultural heritage that I’m sure you’ve notice is so huge for us, so I understand his perspective. Honestly I couldn’t believe it when your substack popped up on my feed!!
My husband of 37 years died when I was 62. A few months later, my most important client--the director of a nonprofit agency in Vienna, Austria, asked if I would move to Vienna and work for them fulltime--and I said yes! So at the age of 63, I put my belongings in storage, said goodbye to my family, and climbed on the plane.
The first few weeks of getting settled were really challenging (and a bit hilarious when viewed from hindsight--I will have to write about this sometime), but I made it through and then things got easier. I found Meetups with other international residents absolutely invaluable because it can be difficult to make friends with the locals, who have their own lives and circle of friends.
But the five years I lived in Vienna were the best years of my life, and I wouldn't trade my experiences there for anything. I eventually did meet an Austrian, fell in love, got married, and retired with him to one of the most beautiful places on earth--the west coast of Ireland.
There are some cultural challenges even here, though. Luckily I have my husband to share everything with--and none of the challenges compare to the benefits!
On the other hand, I would find living in southern Italy a bit daunting. (Austria has lots of bureaucracy, but it is extremely clean, the trains all run on time, health care is fabulous, and traffic moves calmly and smoothly.) From what I've read about your journey so far, Brenna, I think you are doing really well in the face of southern Italian challenges--and whatever happens you are amassing some wonderful stories!
Thanks Clarice! I have loved reading your story and I’m so impressed that you have taken so many wonderful chances. It’s amazing. I feel like my “Austria” was California. I loved it there and it’s where I met my husband. I put myself out there and tried new things. In Italy I’m not having an easy assimilation but I guess it’s never easy to move to a new country. I have book marked lots of the meetup groups you recommended in Austria and Ireland and can’t wait to try them! Thanks for reading, commenting, and empathizing ❤️
You are welcome!
living in Costa Rica...8 years. Still hard.
Wow amazing Jodi. All I've heard about Costa Rican culture is "Pura Vida" which sounds lovely and appealing, similar to how "la dolce vita" sound so appealing. Never feeling "home" is tough no matter how appealing your new culture is! That's what I'm learning.
Yes, when I lived in Taiwan it was really hard. So isolating not being able to speak the language. Language is where we connect. Words :) When I am not able to express myself fully through language and understand the response as well as the nuances within that, it is tough!
"You would have to be a bit deranged to take on the navigation of moving abroad." THIS. I had a relatively smaller yet big move over eight years ago from California to New York as a 23-year-old. It was maddeningly and ever-so-terrifying to leave my family, my partner at the time, and my entire identity to pursue a personal goal to explore New York as an adult. I do believe those ups and downs both hardened and softened my soul simultaneously to allow me to be more of who I've always been. For the past year, I've been feeling the deranged itch to want to explore leave the country and living abroad and experience what isn't an extended vacation but immersion in both the wonder and maddening.
Thank you for this piece. It comes at a time that reaffirms my deranged thoughts about exploring more chapters of my life.
Hi Leslie, thanks for sharing. The east coast to west coast move is NO JOKE! It's culturally so different and crazy to do it alone at such a young age.
Welcome to the club of deranged, maddening, expats :)
Leslie, Who is the top quote from?
Brenna! I pulled it from this piece you’re commenting in 👀
My husband and I moved to rural Vermont during the pandemic. I was not prepared for how rural VT was. We'd vacationed here, he has family here, and my daughter went to college here. It is not the same as living 2 miles down a dirt road when you lose power and you lose everything - water, phones, internet, heat, etc. There is no fast food around. Everything is a drive away. But it's incredibly beautiful. And I learned to cook on the wood stove, among other new accomplishments. It's not the same as moving to another country, but it was eye-opening.
Hi Susan! Once you commit and make the move, it’s hard! Like you said - it’s not vacation. There’s no one to help you when a giant sinkhole erupts in the ground, you lose water, and you are opening dictionaries to translate the city’s public notices 😂 (my case) or you lose power (your case). It’s maddening and you simply crave comfort.
Thanks for sharing Susan. ❤️ I took a bike ride in Vermont during the pandemic that I’ll remember forever! It was so beautiful. 🌲
Right in the thick of something, it can be hard to see how you’re changing or what you will ultimately learn. But if you’re uncomfortable (in anything in life), I think growth is inevitably happening. Which is great. You’re right there. :)
A decade ago now, I booked a one-way ticket to Dublin, open minded to living anywhere that felt right. After a year of traveling, I settled in Australia. In some ways, I put in more effort attempting to make that home than I did when I ultimately moved back to the states in Seattle.
I just started following your story so maybe you’re already doing these things! But what helped me in Australia was meetups, where I met other “expats” and then networking where I made a handful of native Australian friends. They were key to inviting me into their social circles. The combination of both made me feel not alone.
There is no other choice to evolve but I don’t want to! HA! Yes I have been joining some FB and Meetup groups. It’s all just harder than I thought it would be!
Digital nomad here... I left the states on a 1 way ticket and have roamed through 16 (?) countries since then. There is no destination... nor is there "the other side." Just right here, right now. I'm following my abundant curiosity... :) (and currently in Palermo, Sicily!)
Hey thanks for sharing. I thought you did a great job conveying the scariness of transplanting yourself to entirely new place and starting from the ground up. Definitely resonates
Thanks Dan 😊
When I left the US on January 3rd, 2023 after having shed all my belongings but a backpack with enough changes of clothes to last between washings, and a laptop, iPad, and phone, I had a one way ticket to Montenegro. My move is different from yours in that it is not permanent. I go back to the US twice a year to visit. I love to be with my family, but it is not home. Much of the time I don't know where I am going next. I have to negotiate the 90 visitor visa business. It helps me to read about how it feels after the newness wears off, and living with the unknown becomes the way of life. It is not easy, but I am not ready to stop yet. It is so helpful to engage with you and others who have stepped into the unknown. Thank you.
Wow. 😮 what an inspiration Peter! For me having a supportive community is so important. I just went back to the US to visit and it was so helpful to just jump right back in to my support system. How have you found it to make a community in Montenegro?
I knew no one nor did I know anything about Montenegro, even where it was located before I traveled there. I visited a couple of people I met on the Camino each year between 2013 and Covid. Dragan's wife, Slavica comes from Montenegro. When I decided to leave the US to travel full time, I wanted to start in a non-Schengen country that was would not be frigid in Jan/Feb. Slavica recommended Tivat. She sent me info on Airbnb's, I picked one, and booked it for January and February of 2023. My Airbnb host, Marko, is a young entrepreneurial sort, who was very attentive. (I think since I was writing a book, he thought I must be important.) Then as I was walking along near my place, a young woman (Gabby) was walking the same direction and said in English "Hello." We talked a bit and she invited me to stop back by for coffee on my way back. She had spent time in South Carolina. In that visit I met her sister, brother and Nana (Grandma). We talked for a couple of hours after that. I visited again a couple of times, once for dinner. When I returned later that year (early November) their parents wanted to meet me. I spent a long evening with the whole family. We really hit it off. Tragically, Gabby called me a month ago to tell me that their Dad died on the Container ship he was working on. He spent months at a time on the ships. We have interacted since and hope at least to have a video call sometime to talk about what happened. I did not develop community with others there (except for Marko's parents and a few friends at a barbecue in the back yard). The language is a barrier since not so many folks there speak English. Sorry for the length of my response, but it is an important story for me to tell.
I have had a reverse experience. I had been a Russian expat in America since my early twenties. I had to go back to Moscow for 3 months in 2009, after I had lived in the US for 8 years. I felt shockingly out of place, as so much had changed in those 8 years that I had been gone.
Being able to speak the language was my only advantage. I did not know what to do to get a cab, how to find a notary to certify a document, what the new etiquette of paying for groceries was. I made so many social missteps and blunders in the first few weeks and was judged quickly. Locals did not realize I was practically a foreigner!
Wow. That must have been a crazy feeling. It also goes to show you just because you have a shared language it doesn’t make it easier.
Exactly. Even being originally from the same country does not always help! Crazy is right.
New subscriber here!! The article you quoted "someone who struggled to make a phone call, or make the petrol pump work..." resonated so much. I moved to Canada (a place I had never visited) 10 years ago from Australia and I wasn't prepared for all the tiny, little differences of day to day life. I figured since the language was the same, everything would be similar. Wrong! They manage prescriptions repeats totally different I ended up accidentally making my doctor think I was doing something dodgy with my medication because I thought he wasn't giving me repeats, so I kept going back for more when I needed it... so many small things to re-learn. Thanks for your post, it really hit home.
Welcome Stefanie! Thanks for being here 🙏🏻 yes I was afraid to call for internet bills, doctors appointments, etc. I hate not being able to speak Italian as good as I would like to.
What do you see as the major cultural values in Canada? I have always admired Canada as a neighbor and frequent visitor 😊
Honestly, workplace culture seems to be the biggest difference. We Aussies can be a little, uh... blunt lol. We're more direct and speak a bit more passionately and from the heart, but that isn't always viewed as a positive thing here. It's a bit more "go along to get along" and being direct can sometimes be seen as rude or combative. But we love Canada and the people we've become friends with here. It's a wonderful country :)
I am Neapolitan, left home at 18 to move to Scotland and then decided to uproot everything after 7 years there and move back to Italy. Unfortunately, as for many of my peers back home, jobs were simply not available in Naples, so I booked a one way ticket from Edinburgh to Verona, where I am now, just to be back. I am slowly learning to be Italian again, and even then I’ll never be Northen Italian, so some things will always be unfamiliar to me. In the past 9 months, I have often thought that maybe I should have stayed in Scotland, where at least I had a community, but then again I’m happy to be the kind of person that does this sort of things, even if they are very very hard. My favourite quote, that comes from a silly meme but that I just keep returning to in these times of change is this: “I’m multiplied by 1. I’m still the same but a process has occurred”.
Ps. Naples is a beautiful yet very complex city, once you’re “IN” it’s amazing, but when you don’t live it day by day it can sort of reject you… I know because I feel a half-way neapolitan every time I go back. My boyfriend does not want to go back because he feels like an outsider all the time. I hope you get to be “in” soon enough !!
Vittoria! I'd love to connect with you. I love when you say, "I'm happy to be the kind of person who does these things, even if they're hard". I think starting over is one of the bravest things a person can do! Thanks for sharing that quote too!
Also so interesting to hear that you feel half Neapolitan when you go back. Is your boyfriend Neapolitan too? So happy to meet a Neapolitan on Substack!!!
Hi Brenna! Would be super to connect :) Yes my boyfriend was born and raised in Naples, but his family is German (his mom still lives there, near Chiaia!) so he doesn’t have a lot of the Neapolitan cultural heritage that I’m sure you’ve notice is so huge for us, so I understand his perspective. Honestly I couldn’t believe it when your substack popped up on my feed!!
I love that quote (as somehow even more knowing it's from a meme - Internet wisdom is the best wisdom)!
Thanks for reading and congrats on the courage to live a more authentic life, despite the challenges 👏🏻